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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984107">Poisoned</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/namupokemanchan/pseuds/namupokemanchan'>namupokemanchan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempted Murder, Chinese Food, Co-workers, Creepy The Handler (Umbrella Academy), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Indiana Jones References, Inspired by Indiana Jones, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Number Five | The Boy-centric, OSHA would not be having this shit, Poisoning, Tea, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020, osha would not be having this, restaurant shenanigans, what the fuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:36:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/namupokemanchan/pseuds/namupokemanchan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off that scene from the beginning of Temple Of Doom where Indiana Jones gets poisoned at a Chinese restaurant except it's Number Five instead</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Number Five | The Boy &amp; The Handler (Umbrella Academy)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966207</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Poisoned</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Number Five did not like The Handler. She was unprofessional and just… ugh. Indescribably awful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn't going to say it (because he was professional) but The Handler was one of the main reasons he hated working for the commission. She wouldn't be as awful if she could just learn personal boundaries and stopped pinching his cheek or ruffling his hair and calling him "an adorable little thing," but she'd still be the bane of his existence at the commission.  That and he wasn't exactly a fan of cold blooded murder for personal gain. That was The Handler's style, not his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Either way, He handed in his 0 weeks notice, gave Cha Cha the finger, called Susan's wig trashy and went out for dinner. He was going to treat himself.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Number Five liked Chinese food. He liked it to the point where he would eat it all the time if he could and Five only didn't say he loved it because love was a rare thing. Chinese food wasn't rare, thankfully. His favourite Chinese restaurant was a tiny place off the beaten path in 1983 New York and he had visited it so many times the staff recognized him by face and knew him by name. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waitress Meiying refilled Five's pearl milk tea and smiled at him. He always gave good tips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five noticed her and took a sip of his tea. "Thank you, Mei."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded. "Number Five."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went back to his food until he detected footsteps approaching the table. Five narrowed his eyes, putting his chopsticks down. He was supposed to be alone here until 9 pm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Handler. Charming," Five said dryly as the blonde woman sat across from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled in her fake sweet way, leaning over the table so she was propped up with her elbows. "Miss me, doll face?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely not." Five glared at her, scooping up chow mein with his chopsticks. "Why are you here, Handler? I quit last week."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler sighed and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her coat pocket before lighting it. "We need you, Number Five."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glared at her, looking more like a cranky teenager than ever before. "Don't care. Get Hazel to iron your pantyhose or whatever." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a drag on her cigarette and blew the smoke into Five's face. The Handler watched him cough for a few seconds before speaking. "Hazel can't kill like you do."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five rolled his eyes and finished the rest of his pearl milk tea. "I suppose but I quit for a reason, Handler. I'm not coming back."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We can get your old body back."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Number Five thought for a moment while an unknown waitress refilled his glass. He did want his old body back. To be perceived as an adult again, to be able to get married again or at least to get alcohol legally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But was his life more important than the lives of thousands of others?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five scowled at the Handler and chugged his tea. "Bullshit. Find someone else."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled coldly, her eyes followed his empty cup of tea. "Oh I'm sure I could convince you, Number Five."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five rolled his eyes, digging back into his food. "Really?" He asked, his mouth full of spring roll. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler's smile widened and she produced a small plastic bag with a few pills in it. "Yes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughed after swallowing which took some difficulty. "You think you can bribe me with-" Five coughed "-with drugs? I'm not my brother, ma'am."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman laughed this time, a cold laugh that started in the back of her throat and sent shivers down Five's spine. "Silly boy, it's not drugs- it's the antidote to the poison you just drank."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five coughed again, his throat contracting with fear. There was a blue sludge at the bottom of his tea cup. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler laughed again, dangling the pills above his shaking hand, just out of reach. "Aww, you're adorable when you're helpless, Five," she cooed as her long manicured nails pinched his pale cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five tried to shove her hand off but his own was shaking too badly. "I-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You can just nod, Number Five, and all of the pain will stop," The Handler said coolly, watching the man in front of her clawing at the table cloth to keep from collapsing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He coughed again, blood spattering against the table cloth. "Mei-?" Five called out desperately, looking around the restaurant with panic gripping his throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler smirked and brushed Five's bangs off his sweaty forehead. "The wait staff has been replaced by my agents, dear. No one can save you but me, and I hear Andromedian barbed squid poison hurts like a real bitch."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five made an unintelligible threat, blood bubbling out of his mouth as he tried to talk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Apparently if your organs don't melt first, you'll drown in your own blood." Her tone had the casual air of someone commenting on the weather, not the failing organs of the man in front of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler lifted her elbows off the table and Five collapsed on the floor, pulling the tablecloth and dishes onto the floor next to him. She got out of her chair and crouched down next to Five, covered in blood from the poison and from the shattered dishes cutting open his hands and face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pulling out the pills again, she waved it above his head. "Just say yes, Fivey. Just say you'll come back and it'll all stop."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five opened his mouth but nothing but a gurgling sound and more blood came out. He coughed, a loud grating cough that splattered the floor in blood. "Please-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler wiped the blood off his chin and sighed. "I'll take that as a yes." She ripped open the bag and forced Five's mouth open, pushing the pills down his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swallowed shakily before collapsing on the bloody floor, his face falling into the bloody mess of food and dishes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Handler sighed and scooped up the crumpled heap that was Number Five, holding him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "You always have to make things harder for yourself, Agent Five."</span>
</p>
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